One Bourbon, Two Beers
There was a time not long ago, when I couldn’t think of stepping on stage without a shot of cheap bourbon and two beers. Payment proffered by drink tickets I carefully preserved in my sweat stained bra; the pairing afforded me the courage I didn’t think I had. It could be one song, a thirty-minute set, or an entire concert, the applause was barely dying before I’d be up at the bar or back in my dressing room on the hunt for more.
An Uncomfortable Truth
Attempting to lose myself in my art meant that alcohol was never far from my grasp. After many years, I reluctantly realized what I thought I needed was in fact hindering me. Making the choice to break up with alcohol showed me new possibilities in my creative process, but not every artist requires this reckoning. Let’s be honest: we artists drink because alcohol can be an effective and finely edged tool, breaking through obstacles, pushing us out of ruts, mimicking the crash of inspiration or the rush of creative flow…until it doesn’t.
Friends Off
Fellow musician and emcee Berkley Shea shares similar experiences of using alcohol as a tool to get onstage. He concedes that the ritual of a pint or two and then a well-planned shot of Jäger right before show time was just an excuse.
“I’m over five years sober now,” shares Berkley. “My current relationship with alcohol is that we are no longer friends. I used to think it helped with creativity, that it helped bring something out. But now I realized how it just stifled it.”
Art that hits us deep inside, many times, does so because it’s reflecting our depth back to us. This is the case for Berkley, who is now dedicated to showing up on stage to be in a direct relationship with his audience in a way he feels he couldn’t do before.
“I want people to walk away with an experience,” says Berkley. “It’s hard to feel raw emotions, but I’ve put in the work, and my life is much better for it. I have a new life and a journey that I’m proud to walk. I’m here, and I strongly believe I wouldn’t be on my old path.”
Opening to Other Ways
Creativity can be elusive, and much of it doesn’t happen when we think it should. Imbibing can be like a jumpstart, charging those moments of everyday living for when the beginning of a song, a play or a painting can hit us.
Mixed-media collage artist Stacey Walyuchow knows this well. She doesn’t take alcohol with her into the studio anymore, but she used to. She finds focus and inspiration in other ways now. “When I am not in my physical studio, I am often found in the studio of my mind,” shares Stacey. “I am always imagining new work or reworking current pieces as I am driving to school or picking up groceries, or even amidst the glamour of housework.”
Calgary literary icon and playwright Eugene Stickland acknowledges the solitary and often lonely affair of writing paired well with alcohol but also easily recalls moments when just the right line, just the right scene, would magically appear in the mornings while taking a shower or walking to his office. He admits that this never happened when he was drinking.
“My formative years were the ‘70s,” recalls Eugene. “Everyone drank. All my role models drank. When you’re young and trying to become an artist, you tend to emulate the behaviour of your mentors. And the artists who were a help up to us as demi-gods were really a bunch of drunks.”
Sooner or later, we face who we really are, free from under the gaze of our mentors. Facing our relationship with it can offer clarity and assist in building an artistic practice that truly supports our creative process with or without alcohol.
“In this life, there aren’t many things that truly meet you where you are and make that an okay place to be,” muses Stacey. “My artistic practice does that for me…or I guess I do that for myself.”
Kenna Burima is a Calgary-based songwriter, musician, mother and teacher.
